July 12, 2014 Sarah to Michael

On Saturday, July 12, 2014 9:47 PM, Sarah wrote:

Dear Michael,

I have already made it clear to you that I am sorry I was not as good a mother as I should have been. And I cannot apologize to you for things I have not done. Sadly, sweetheart, you were the one who has been delusional, not me, hon. You have been diagnosed by many many psychiatrists and psychologists as having various psychotic disorders. They have almost all said that there was hope for you to get better, but only if you made the choice to get the help offered. I tried over and over to get you that help. You promised me over and over that you would accept that help, but you continue to run away from it.

Joey was taken from me for a few weeks this summer because I did not protect him from his father and from you. The judge gave him back to me as soon as he heard the case. I promised to get help to be able to be more protective of my children, and I have gotten that help. I have been in an intensive therapy program that has taught me to be more protective of Joey and of myself. It has also taught me to understand you and the dynamics between the two of us a lot better.

You needed help from a very young age that I was not yet able to give you. I tried everything I could think of but it wasn't enough. I understand that you cannot see what went on between us objectively. If you want to try to talk it through, I would be happy to do so, so long as you can stay calm and respectful. One of the many promises you have made to me but not yet kept, was that we could be in family therapy. I am still willing to do this.

I have had to make a lot of difficult decisions about my responsibilities towards you. One of the most difficult of these decisions was the choice to allow you to stay with your birth mother, in her home, and not in an inpatient facility back here. I made this choice because I'm hoping as an almost-adult you'll make the choice to get yourself the help you need. I cannot control your choices, your feelings, or your behaviors. I can only control my reactions to them.

I will always love you, Michael. I hope you can hear this letter with the love and caring that are meant to be its intent.

Love always,

Mom