Mortified, but not Surprised

I have not visited with Rachel since the incident of the last post. I have tried to call her to tell her I love her, and she has responded with comments such as if I dare to send her case manager there to talk with her, she is going to sneak into the kitchen, steal a big sharp knife and slit her throat. Lovely, eh?

We had a team meeting this past Wednesday, where the therapists in charge were saying that she'd been doing SO much better for an entire week, that they wanted to make a discharge plan, with the anticipated date of discharge of September 2nd. All three of us parents cancelled everything we were doing for the day, work, doctors, etc, and brought as many support people as we could to be there for us to make it clear that this child was under NO circumstances coming to either of our homes at any time in the near future.

They once again threatened foster care, and we all said if that was what had to happen, then they better take into account seriously that she could "accidentally" actually kill herself, if she takes her threats a step farther- they don't actually believe she wants to kill herself. And that she may "accidentally" get herself picked up on the streets by the wrong person, as she continues to push farther and farther her running away, and is eventually going to get off the grounds of the hospital, or if in a foster home, just walking out the door would put her in danger, because she has NO sense of vulnerability. She still insists she has super powers and that no one can hurt her.

So to last night... We got a call from the hospital that she had sexually and physically assaulted multiple staff members. So she's upped the anty. She's gone from me, to the staff, and what's the next step... obviously the children. I told them they were absolutely not to leave her alone for a second, she was to have someone on top of her at any moment because she was DANGEROUS. I don't think thety get it. Well, I'd say the staff members who were assaulted last night obviously get it now.

I called the social worker in charge of transitioning her from placement to placement, working with Medicaid and the various institutions and told her what had happened, and that she had to take this into account and please support me in denying her transfer to a foster home, as that would seriously endanger any children she was to come into contact with. She agreed with me absolutely and said she'd be calling the hospital today.

I would seriously appreciate any comments from anyone out there who might be following the story of my child. I could use all the support I can get.

Thank you very much.
Sarah

Losing Hope

A few weeks ago, I took a day off from my hectic life to spend it with Rachel. In their not so infinite wisdom, the staff all disappeared. At first the visit was going well, typical Asperger's acting out, nothing I couldn't handle.

But then she sexually molested me. I elbowed her off of me, and kept telling her to quit, but she did it repeatedly, and I finally realized, looking into her maniacal smile and eyes that she was getting a kick out of this.

I walked out of the visiting room, told her to stay where she was, and demanded that the receptionist find staff immediately, that it was an emergency with Rachel.

To their credit, someone ran over within minutes, asked me what was wrong, I told them, and they went and tried to talk it through with her. She immediately started upending furniture, screaming, it was horrible. We had an emergency session with my ex called in as well to deal with this and nothing good came of the meeting.

When it was over, I told them I didn't want her at my home for a visit that weekend, and I wouldn't be there to visit her that week. And their response was that I had to not only continue visiting, but continue UNsupervised visiting in order to get her home. I told them thety had to be kidding. That if and when I felt comfortable getting near her again, it was going to be with maximum supervision, and there was no way I was going to be a part of a plan to bring her home until I was assured that this and all other violent, destructive, and sexually exploitive behaviors had STOPPED.

They threatened to put her in foster care if I wouldn't take her home soon. My ex and I told them that we and my current husband had already discussed that, and that if they did not want to keep her, and could not find another placement willing to take her, then that was what we were going to have to do. Neither of us could take her as she is.

They were mortified by us, and we by them.

On top of everything else, I got pregnant by accident last month and miscarried this week.